


my heart beats so that i can hardly speak

by weatheredlaw



Category: Hawkeye (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemon, Daemons, F/M, Mentor/Sidekick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 08:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/620215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weatheredlaw/pseuds/weatheredlaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The night they kissed, Clint tore himself away, eyes blown wide and mouth hot and red. Maggie was up his leg and craddling herself in his palm in a second. Kate reached out a hand for Sebastian and that was it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	my heart beats so that i can hardly speak

The cat is a little too large to just be a housecat, his ears laying flat on his head, mouth curled up in a _sneer_ as Clint comes into the kitchen, frowning into his coffee mug. "What'd I do now?" he mutters. Kate's daemon has been spitefully unforgiving since Clint met him and Clint thinks the only thing keeping his face away from a set of long brown claws is the fact that Kate actually _likes_ Clint. Like, genuine affection. 

"Well, you spoke," the cat says patiently. Kate pokes her head around the corner, frowning.

"Play nice, you two."

"He _started_ it!" Clint insists. 

"Sebastian." Kate scrunches up her face and the cat daemon moves like water into her arms. The fight is forgotten. "Is there more coffee?"

"Always." Kate curves her back so Sebastian can curl around her neck. She spoons sugar into the bottom of her mug and pours coffee over it. From under his shirt, Clint's own daemon, a brown doormouse, pops her head up, chin resting on his shoulder. "Morning, sleepy."

"Morning," she says quietly, yawning. "Are you trying to get us killed before noon? Again?"

Clint huffs. "I never actively try and get us killed, you know that."

"False," the mouse intones. Kate nods in agreement.

"Who's side are you even on?" Clint mutters, to no one in particular. It's only eight and Kate's already here, he realizes, probably was here before Clint even woke up, considering he walked in and the cat had already fed himself, at war over the water bowl with Lucky who seemed to be at a loss for what he should do, now that Kate and her fuzzball daemon had taken up near-permanent residence in the house. "Good boy," he murmurs, dragging his hand across the course fur of Lucky's neck. The dog perks up and follows him into the living room and the three of them fall asleep as the sun comes all the way up over the city.

 

 

 

Maggie settled when Clint was only twelve and he remembers Barney's daemon, a hare called Agatha, hadn't settled until Barney was fifteen. They had never mentioned Maggie's seamingly premature settling -- it had never seemed important. Clint grew up faster, experienced things earlier, and suffered sooner than Barney did most times. When he was finally on his own, sixteen and costumed and awful he ran into people his own age, with daemons still shifting, and never seemed to understand. Maggie had been wiser than Clint could ever hope to be since he was younger than twelve, but when she took her preferred form she grew suddenly ageless.

Now, she sits on his chest, enjoying the steady rise and fall, flicking her tail against his nose until he stops pretending to be asleep. Kate looms over him, her hair hair tied back and away from her face. Clint resists the urge to tell her it looks nice.

"I didn't do it," he murmurs, cupping his hand for Maggie to roll into, and stretches. "Really. I've been asleep." Kate makes a tiny noise in her throat and reaches out, brushing her fingers across the hair that's fallen against his forehead and sighs. Maggie shivers in his palm. "Katie--"

"You missed a call. Spider-Man."

Clint clears his throat. Nods. "Right."

"His daemon creeps me out."

"She's just a snake, Kate."

"Yeah, well, it's weird. Also they're hanging over the balcony." Clint raises an eyebrow and looks out the window, shouts when he sees the green python stretched out in line with Spider-Man, her mouth stretched in a wide, friendly grin that makes everyone a little bit nervous. Peter waves. Clint salutes.

"Yeah, okay. They're a little weird." Clint goes to the window and pushes it open, stepping onto the fire escape. "Hey, man."

"I called you, guy!" Pete drops down and the python slips along his side, curling up his leg. "But then I took care of it, so no worries. Your lady-friend said you were napping."

"It's my day off."

"Must be nice." He pushes himself onto the railing and looks up. "Okay, well I just didn't want you to stress. Stress-free living is the key to a long, happy life, yeah?"

"Sure." Clint takes the to-go tumbler of coffee Kate passes through the window and hands it over. "Swing on, bud."

"You, too."

 

 

 

Sebastian's been mad ever since they kissed. 

Kate and Clint. They kissed. They kissed once and it was good. It was late and it was against the wall and Clint was falling in love, he thought, his brain was wired and overcharged and full of her. Kate was all hands all over him, her nails blunt and quick on his skin, against his scalp, in his hair. He couldn't stop, didn't want to stop.

And then he stopped. 

Now he wonders if maybe he should have started at all. 

 

 

 

Clint thinks Logan might understand. Well, he _won't_. Like, at all. Clint can already hear his voice, "tch-ing" away all of Clint's stresses about Kate and her age and her youth and her breakable-ness or whatever it is. Kate is _good_. She's a good thing in his life and Clint's so good at taking good things and making them bad things he doesn't _want_ this to happen.

"If you kissed her already, sounds like it's on its way."

"I actually knew you were gonna say that." Clint tosses back his shot and shudders. Maggie rests by his wrist, tail wrapped around him protectively. Logan's crow daemon is perched gracefully on his shoulder, her neck greying. She dips her beak into Logan's drink.

Bobbi has a crow daemon, Clint remembers. Calls him Hyde. 

 

 

 

The night they kissed, Maggie nested in Sebastian's fur and he licked dried blood from her head. 

 

 

 

The night they kissed, Clint tore himself away, eyes blown wide and mouth hot and red. Maggie was up his leg and craddling herself in his palm in a second. Kate reached out a hand for Sebastian and that was it.

"I won't mention it," she'd murmured, but gave him one last breathless, seething kiss before she left.

"We are so fucked, partner," he said when the door finally shut.

Maggie gave a little tremble before closing her eyes. "We sure are."

 

 

 

He's slept too late, again.

 

 

 

If she dies here, it's going to be all his fault. 

Clint touches her head and feels blood and Sebastian is woozy at her side, but not asleep, so he knows she's still with him, on some level.

"She's okay," the cat says, words slurred and rough. "She's okay."

"Stop lookin' at me like that," Clint mutters. Maggie hides. Sebastian just blinks, eyes wet and sad, breathing heavy. Kate's gonna be just fine, but that doesn't mean he can't feel like shit for making her this way. "Katie-Kate."

"M'here, Hawkeye," she says, rolling over. "Aw, my head."

"Yeah, you, uh, you got hit pretty hard. How's it feel?"

"Like I got hit really fucking hard," she deadpans, taking his outstretched hand and hoisting herself up. "Did we get 'em?"

"Not so much. You took a blow, I went down not long after you did. Just came 'round. Guess Tony took out the rest."

"Figures," she mutters, shaking her head. "I hate being squishy."

Clint laughs, letting her drape an arm around his shoulders as they step outside. It's hours before they're cleared by medical, debriefed by Hill, and harrassed by Tony until finally the quinjet lands at the tower and the two of them fill their duffels with all the alcohol they can find and walk the ten blocks to Clint's apartment.

"Sometimes I really hate him," Kate mutters. "But he does know how to get the good stuff."

"Watch yourself, girly-girl. Save that scotch for a special occasion." He pries it from her fingers and looks lovingly at the amber bottle. "We'll send him a fruit basket next Christmas," he decides. 

They spend the rest of the night passing a bottle of wine back and forth, and then another, until Kate is snoring on his shoulder. He eases her up and lets her crash on the couch, tossing a quilt over her before checking the knot on her head. Sebastian makes a low noise and flattens himself on Kate's stomach, watching Clint through narrowed eyes.

"Maybe next time you just claw my face up so I don't have to feel like such a fucking piece of shit. How's that sound?"

"It was an accident," the cat says, yawning. "You were both injured."

"You know, if you're gonna hate me, you should do it consistently." Maggie squeaks her approval.

"I don't hate you," Sebastian says quietly. "I'm just disappointed."

 

 

 

Clint remembers Bobbi has a crow daemon. Calls him Hyde.

He remembers touching the bird, being young and fingers trembling as they lay sweating and gasping and not knowing how it was all going to be. Clint really thought they were going to be together forever. He thought this sealed it, touching Hyde, Bobbi touching Maggie. He remembers her face, years later, the redness of it and the break in her voice when she screeched, clutching the crow to her chest, " _I let you touch him!_ "

Clint remembers. Bobbi has a crow daemon.

Calls him Hyde.

 

 

 

"I can't be with you." 

Kate is buttering her toast and still squeezing water out of her hair from the shower. She turns and faces him, the butter knife like a dagger twisted between her fingers. She twirls it expertly and watches him shake Advil into his cupped palm. 

"Kate--"

"I'm not asking you to be with me. You were the one who stopped. It was your idea."

"I just...I want to be with you." Kate sets the knife down. "I want...I want more than the thing. Our thing."

"We're good at the thing," she says quietly.

"Yeah. I know. I love you." Clint swallows around the words, but they come out anyway. "I mean, I don't know how, but I do. Katie, you gotta help me out, here. I'm crap at this thing, I don't--"

"Maybe we try a different thing. We have a thing, but it'll be different. And we can be good at that, too."

Cling smiles. "Well, we are notoriously good at being good at things."

"That, Hawkeye, is what we do best." Kate pushes herself up on her toes and kisses him. 

 

 

 

Maggie looks good nesting in Kate's hair. The feel of it will never not be strange. The sensations of someone else's fingers on Maggie's fur -- it's always going to feel like fire. But it isn't bad at all. It sort of feels like coming home.

Sebastian likes to have his neck scratched, and Clint does it now, as often as he can, when the daemon is in the mood for it. He finds the tabby curled around his ankles most other days, relishing in the feeling of Clint, the scent and sight and heat of him. How different he is from Kate.

"I'm still disappointed," Sebastian says quietly one morning, but Clint can hear the sleepy sound of adoration in his voice, and the cat comes to life when Clint puts a hand on his side, rubbing absently. "You're not good enough for her."

"No one is gonna be good enough for Kate."

"Well." Seb straightens out, flicks his tail against Clint's face. "That we can agree on."

"Less talking," Maggie says, burrowing between pillows. "More sleeping." Kate makes a grumpy huff of agreeance. 

"I don't hate you," Sebastian says, rolling down and settling between them. Maggie immediately makes for his stomach and circles a little nest. "I'm quite fond of you, actually."

Clint hums. "S'good. S'good news, fuzzy."

"Sleep," Kate demands.

"Yeah, yeah. Alright, Hawkeye. Whatever you want."

Her hand snakes over his side. Clint takes it without thought.

_Alright, Hawkeye. Whatever you want._

**Author's Note:**

> woo! so clint's daemon is a brown doormouse named maggie (officially margot). kate's is an overgrown tabby named sebastian.


End file.
